Imagine kissing your wife goodbye and never seeing her again. It happened, to me, and to many of you reading this perhaps? Been studying this for about thirty years now and here is what those of us who have been down this road have to say. I’ll be happy to see your comments as well when you share this.
How did it happen? My case? One car fatal wreck on I-35 in Buda, Texas. Others? Let’s count the ways: long term illness, cancer, dementia, kidney failure, heart attack, a fall, stroke, gun fire, plane crash, flood, fire, or being in Las Vegas when a well-armed evil-intending deranged guy mowed down a concert crowd.
What have others told me?
“I feel and felt lost, got to stay busy and miss him so. Once you have had the best, no need to try the rest. I’ll laugh, but I’m crying inside. Please don’t ask me any questions; it just flat hurts too much to talk. If I get interviewed, everyone will know it is me. Hey, I have already lived longer than I was supposed to; I’m having fun and getting to have the time of my life, thank God I can still drink and drive at night.
Don’t want to go anywhere or see anyone, not even my family and they seem to be hurting too. No, I don’t go to church nor do I want to listen to any preacher tell me anything. I just hate the holidays, especially Christmas. Saturday night is the worst. Days are not so bad, but nights, they just never seem to end and I can’t sleep, even if I have a big glass of wine.
Oh, I’m all right, I just sit around and watch TV, go down the hallway to eat and try to avoid the little old friendly women around here. Not sure how I’ll celebrate my birthday, or ever bake a cake again. I am disoriented, angry, lost, confused, angry, did I say that more than once, and angry.
I don’t like being all alone and don’t ask me to dance, I am… Suddenly, I am tall and good looking, and funnier than I ever was. No, I don’t want to talk about this and I think I am going broke, too. I get sicker quicker and it lasts longer. I just flat don’t care anymore and am ready to die. Hope there is a heaven. I wish it was me he was talking about, instead of me talking about him.”
“It has been twenty-two years and it still hurts and I still miss him. I wish my wife had told me where she hid the pots and pans. Where are my keys, my purse and my mind? I thought I was supposed to die first and leave my wife a widow, how did this happen to me and why didn’t someone tell me about this and to make some friends on my own before I needed them? Wish I had a hobby.”
“Oh, I’m all right, don’t worry about me, I’ll call if I need you. No, I don’t go out at night. I’m out every night and I dance the night away and have only one drink a night. The bartender pimps me out if I show up alone. I like dancing at the senior centers, but only in the afternoon. Not sure who will take me to the hospital when I need to go. I’m afraid of dying alone and how long will it be before anyone misses me? I have more time to do what I want to do, but I don’t really want to do anything anymore. I need to get a hold of myself.”
Advice? Take a deep breath, go out and help someone else. Put a smile on our faces, spring in our step and be thankful, God has a purpose for this life he gave us. Easier said than done, yet it can work if we work. Have fun with it and be well. Let me know how this works for you.
John J. Checki Jr., and John J. Checki III, 2435 N Central Expressway, Suite 1508, Richardson, TX 75080
972-437-4089 www.johncheckjr.com Securities are offered through Securities America Inc., member FINRA and SIPC, Advisor services offered through Securities America Advisors., an SEC Registered Investment Advisor. John Checki, Jr. Representative. This is not a CPA Firm.